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So I voted.

I vote absentee. It is beginning to look more and more likely that I will not be in town on election day. This has been the case before so to avoid any problems and expensive flights home and then back, I just vote absentee every time.

In my next post. And this is a fair warning I will be explaining how I voted and why.

The vote is already cast and you canapos;t change my mind.

I will put it behind an LJ cut so feel free to skip if you are uninterested.

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Wow, i havent been online for quite awhile
(wish i could say it was because i had better things to do)
we had thanksgiving dinner last weekend, that went well
i think we ended up having 19 people come? there was some extended family who havent come in the past but it was nice.
me and my mom had made apple pies the night before, they were yummy. We used the apples from the tree in my yard. (the one that last year someone stole all the apples from it)
went out to vote. Eh. Dont really know what to say about that. There was this whole bit about verifying your id this time. I do not have picture id with my current address so i had to show 2 pieces approved id with my address. Not a huge deal for me, but all this makes it very difficult for some people, like the homeless, to vote.
i went aquasizing yesterday with lou. We havent gone for 2 weeks~ yikes. My legs are feeling a bit sore tonight.
i made some yam fries yesterday as well, its the second time i have made them and they turned out well. I used this spicy seasoning salt? that my mom had got from a farmers market or something to season them so they were sweet and spicy, a nice combination. This time i remembered to put parchment on the trays, i didnt last time and they started to burn.
i am going to eat some frozen spring rolls tonight. I have been meaning to make some myself for awhile already. I think i might just use phylo pastry for them though and bake them? maybe i will do that this coming week? who knows?

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Why do people spend 8+ hours a day farming in shitty tuapos;lia linkshells?� FFXI is not fun, so it couldnapos;t be due to enjoyment.� Maybe itapos;s because easy and repetative tasks are appealing to people; sorta like how electricity travels through the easiest path.

But really: what I do with my stupid life, what people do endlessly on�FFXI, or what normal people do with their lives doesnapos;t matter.

Pretty much anything I want in real life (not using the internet much) can be achieved by someone living in solitude (using the internet 18+ hours a day).� i.e. I desire women in miniskirts fucking without a condom, but you can get that same enjoyment from buying a prosthetic vagina.

So... Why do�I suffer through the dating game, grad school, having to work, waking up at 7am, ect when�I could just buy a silicon vagina and go on welfare while playing FFXI all day?� The latter would be much easier.� I think itapos;s because my mind and body would deteriorate.� But that could be fixed with some brain age on nintendo ds and doing situps between fafnir windows.� So why not go with the easy internet life?

I think itapos;s because I like fucking miniskirt women from behind.� Thatapos;s a pain in the ass to set up with a realdoll.� Also the senses of taste, smell, and feel are lost over the internet.� Nothing says fun like making a woman eat your cum, smell your farts, and feel you molesting them in public. =^_^=

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I will be the first to admit that I have bad taste in boys but I like how people do the whole what did you ever see in him thing when things go wrong. Why donapos;t you ask me that question when things are going right? Why donapos;t you tell me what you really think about the person that I am with while things are dandy? Rick asked what did I ever see in Chris and I didnapos;t have to think because I knew why we were hanging out. Chris was funny, we had good conversation, he was a smart kid who did stupid things, we had fun together and the physical stuff was AMAZING That is what I saw in Chris and that is why I was with Chris. We were planning on getting married and we werenapos;t "dating" we were hanging out and having fun...
Chris is no longer MIA well kinda. He called his brother yesterday to let him know that he had been staying at a friendapos;s house and after Stephen told me that it was like a weight was lifted. I didnapos;t have to worry about him being dead or whatever. I donapos;t know where he is but apparently he is happy there and that is good for him. I thought I would be a little sad or pissed off that he didnapos;t have the decency to call me or something but I am okay. It is over and if I see him again I know to be cautious and if I donapos;t it was fun and I will be going home in 3 months. Maybe it was sign from the Gods trying to keep me from getting attached. So that is my spiel and now I am done

Later dayz my american peeps �
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So weapos;re on the boarder line on the middle of the semester.
That means midterms.. FUCK

Iapos;m taking lots of bullshit classes that means a lot of bullshit exams and bullshit everything.
I gotta register for the MCATS. And I still donapos;t have any idea what to do. I still need a semester of Physics. Shit.
I also need to keep my GPA to a 3.5+ for scholarship and applying to Medical School Thereapos;s just too much on my plate this semester. =/

Anyway last night was pretty romantic with Brian... And we just hang out and had a good time.. Although I think he got me sick. I guess its okay. Lol.
Weapos;ve both been extremely busy. Heapos;s been working and studying for the GRE and Iapos;ve been studying for whatever the hell I need to study for... And all that stuff. Iapos;ve already started my Holiday shopping (that was random) but yes Iapos;ve been trying to keep up with everything, but it always seems thereapos;s one thing after another. Its a bit tiring.
I have work tomorrow till 5pm. And I canapos;t go out drinking, because I have exams.. So Iapos;m trying to be a trooper and stay in and study. And my girls need to stop distracting me from going to bars.

God I hope I get into Colombia U., NYU, Yeshiva, UMDNJ, SUNY, or perhaps..... UCLA? lol.
I kinda feel that I canapos;t really leave the tri state area for school cuz of a guy. Jeez I never thought Iapos;d actually say that. LOL. I wanna have kids. (thinking to far ahead). I think Iapos;m sped.

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"...odeio saudades..."

Odeio tanto.
Sentimentos alheios que n�o querem sair de dentro do meu peito. E eu sinto aquele calor na nuca chamado ang�stia. Ent�o eu percebo o quanto eu odeio ouvir os Beatles agora. E o quanto eu odeio ouvir Kashmir e todas as outras coisas que me fazem lembrar do momento em que eu achava que era feliz. Momento que eu me sentia feliz, e que agora me faz sentir saudades.
E eu sinto saudades, sim. N�o consigo entender a raz�o disso, estou ficando irritada e com vontade de morrer, mas eu continuo sentindo saudades daquele pequeno tempo em que eu achava que tinha encontrado a felicidade.
E n�o digo isso apenas de um algu�m: algu�m que eu pensei que fosse, o homem da minha vida, por algum momento infeliz o qual eu pensei que era uma daquelas princesas de contos de fadas, f�bulas imorais que s�o contadas para crian�as quando elas n�o conseguem dormir.
E ainda tento encontrar conforto no Sartre ou em algum livro que me conte o percurso da tal da felicidade.
Por que eu ainda lembro de tudo? Por que nada disso quer se apagar da minha mente?
E por mais que eu queira, eu n�o consigo parar de pensar. Faz tempo. O tempo n�o consegue apagar nada disso, me deixa desesperada, aflita e em d�vidas.
Por hora, n�o consigo pensar em mais nada, talvez eu tenha perdido todo o sentimento por pessoas diferentes. Talvez eu tenha me fechado para todos. E sei que eles n�o ligam pra mim tamb�m.
Acho que podemos lembrar daquela vis�o sobre a qu�mica humana. Cheguei ao ponto onde n�o encontro qu�mica em nenhum lugar.�N�o existe atra�o, n�o existe sentimento nenhum.

Por que me sinto assim?
Por que ainda me importo com tudo isso? Com voc� Com as mem�rias?
Por que eu queria esquecer tudo isso? Por que eu queria que voc� viesse a esquecer tudo tamb�m?
Por que eu acho que j� esquecera e que eu me tornara apenas uma p�gina insignificante?

Aperto no c�u da boca, calores na nuca, dor no peito palpitante.
Tchekhov j� escreveu sobre.

� a ang�stia.

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My gosh.
let this be the second time iapos;m lost for words.
i cant really speak properly nowadays.
iapos;d rather be quiet.
haha, the save-energy-by-not-talking thing.

the exams may be over, but eh, iapos;m feeling more pressure instead.
thereapos;s this theory exam going on soon.
yep, the first of november.
okay, iapos;ll be honest.
iapos;m not ready for it
my mom thinks that iapos;m so free nowadays, so she asked me to do this and that.
eg, wash the toilet, teach my sister, sweep the floor etc.
yep, i obediently finished all of them, only to realise that itapos;s already 12 midnight.
and yes, i slept late again.
whereapos;d i find the time?
help me please.
is there anyone out there that has a piano theory grade 6 qualification?
i really need your tutoring. ( cos i cant understand anything in class�)

i broke down yesterday. ( at home )
i dont know how or why, i just felt so sad. And i just kept on crying.
i really really need my sleep. So would everybody just stop pressurising me?
iapos;m human, not a robot.
i need to rest, you hear me?
the lack of sleep had really made my results suffer.
yes, i deproved, even though my results are one of the tops.
nonononononoonoonononoonooonononononnonoonono.
oh no.
no way.
i deproved.
why wouldnt the top student in our class understand.
she ( and the other guy in our DT project) made me complete everything.
and so i did. Sacrificing my rest time.
how selfish people are these days.
so made me do all these, so that she can study.
how ridiculous.
how selfish.
thatapos;s why i cant wait to get out of 2E3
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